A Soul Journer's Truth... Our Birth Story

My "Activated" Star~Seeds of "Remembering" started to take Root in me when my sun was conceived in 2004. During My 1st Trimester of Pregnancy... I closed my Healing Arts practice, sold my house & car and gifted most of my belongings. I was finally free to "go back to Earth school". My Pregnant-See-Soul-Journey and Vision Quest led me to Hawaii, Ghana, Ethiopia, South Africa and Indonesia. I was downloading messages from my Womba and receiving lessons from Great Mother and Her huge army of Midwives, Sangomas and Traditional healers every Step of the Way. I felt so primal, healthy and strong. I arrived in Bali when I was 3 Moons away from delivery. My "Plan" was to return to Big Island and give birth with Pele's Power & Blessing. But as Fate would have it, Bali called us home; to stay. In the End, I chose an unassisted Water Birth on the beach in Bhuitan East Bali.


My waters released at 6pm while I was having dinner with new friends in Candidasa. I knew that All was in divine and perfect order, so I stay and enjoyed my dinner and time with sisters. About 3 hours later I heard the ocean calling me and I felt the need to retreat. I hopped on a motorbike and went back to Lumbung Damuh. I took alot of slow belly dancing walks on the beach and many many showers. My final destination was the bathtub. The water was cold because I had long since used up all the hot water but I still felt in the zone and deeply rooted. :-) I chose to be physically "alone" during our Birth but there were 13 Ancestors and Midwives holding deep and sacred space for me. (Not to mention, one real live siStar Ibu and Midwife "on Back Up call" in Nyuh Kuning)

It was a fantastic unassisted gentle and empowering Water Birth! I only had one moment of temporary insanity (aka fear). It was when I breathed/pushed his head out and I saw his face under the water. I felt my inner wisdom tell me to relax and WAIT for the next wave~contraction. My human mind worried about him not being able to breathe under water, and just as quickly as that fear came to the surface one of my sassy Spirit Bidans said; "Child don't you know that he wasn't breathing in yo belly! Cut out that nonsense, squat and use what ya got. You'll thank me later." I trusted her. I trusted me and I trusted the powers that BE. Moments later I had a beautiful strange orgasmic release that marked blessing's earthly beginnings. (At that time I never knew that orgasms could be a part of B=birth so that was a nice unexpected surprise:-) And I now know that by listening and waiting for the next wave. I did indeed come through my first birth tear free.

Sometime after birth my sister friends arrived and a real live midwife "checked" me. Visually confirming there was no tearing. I participated and witnessed my first cord burning and within a couple of hours ate my "ari ari" (placenta) cooked medium well with lots of coconut oil, garlic and rosemary. It was truly a great birth and the best "On the Job" training one could ask for. :-)


Needless to say I arrived in Indonesia on a 30 day Tourist Visa and we stayed for 3 years. We became an interconnected part of our local village in Penestanan and we are blessed to be part of a big and beautiful extended family. I know first hand that "It takes a Village to Raise a Child" and many many many Mamas to help us stay calm cool and collected. :-)


I will not pretend that I know exactly where this traditional birthing path will lead. Every time I think I figured something out, life throws me a "Have you considered this" curve ball that keeps me on my toes. I'm always yearning to learn more. It's a good thing I love to play and that I have great teachers and team mates.:-) The child in me plans to stay open to magical enchantment and simply live my way into the next chapter. I Remember soooooooooo much and I have SOOOOOOOOO much to learn! My heart and hands are open to the journey as it unfolds.

"From the Womb Archives of Mama RainMa"

MOMMY APART!!

I am in the midst of a change in life with my beloved soon to be 11 year old son. And these changes are of course stirring up a lot of emotions, thoughts and feelings within me. To leave my child for a minimum of 3 months is not a very beautiful thought but there comes a time when a mother must "let go" and "let God" or at least make the attempt to. My letting go is at an usually young age considering a lot of mothers never ever let go.

I am a strong believer that each child chooses his parents and the life that they will live and create through them. They wisely pre-determine the parents that will allow them to unfold as divinely and naturally as they are meant to in any given life while making sure that those parents challenge them enough to grow into their full being. Some of these challenges can be dreadful if the mundane mind cannot see beyond the child's purpose and path. After all who wants to even entertain the idea that a child chose an abusive parent to further their spiritual growth through those experiences. I know, but it is truth. And I believe that my son has chosen two perfect (for him) and loving parents for his journey this lifetime around.


I stand at the doorway of a new life. One that will lay the foundation and path for a new life for my child as well. Time is slowing diminishing as I spend what appears as the last few weeks before my departure to South America where I will partner up with a man who I admire and respect. Right now it's all business as I don't seem to be able to conjure up any images of what my love life will be like after I get there. It is all business right now for this Aquarius woman and mother.


My dreams, wishes, hopes and desires are all manifesting right before my eyes. A book I wrote just got released by a publishing company. This book synchronizes amazingly with my emerging new life and my contribution entitled, "The Food and Wealth Connectionk" so nicely describes the connection with my new partner. I, the Money Coach and Guru have linked up with the Raw Food Doctor himself. Oh how true it is that the universe works in codes and symbols. Asking us to decipher them or simply allow them for their meaning will eventually unfold. For I see a direct link here as I gaze in bewilderment and sheer excitement!!!

Anyway, my son is in school right now and I will not dare pull him out until he has completed the school year. So I am in the midst of renting my house, tying up loose ends, making sure things are in order for him before I leave - parental wise, health wise, emotionally educationally, personally, socially, etc. I am making sure that he has all he needs and that we spend the maximum and quality time together as though they were are very last. (And they are certainly NOT.) Thank goodness I can actually be grateful for technology (sometimes it is not my friend) because it will be the very thing that will keep us connected on a daily basis. Webcam and skype will become both our best friends while we are apart. I'll be able to check up on his school progress and work online and I can even help him with his homework via the internet and web cam. I'll be able to see his million dollar smile and know just how well Daddy is caring for him. Thankfully he has a dad that has been in his life from the start and who is no stranger to me taking off like the globe trotter I am, while leaving them to nurture their male and father/son bond.

So last Friday, I organized a meeting with all his teachers to further discuss my child and my coming departure and to make sure that they are well aware of the shift in my son's life now that he will soon have a mother in another continent. It is important that they are aware of this in the event that my son begins to act out the probable confusion that even his little inner baby may not be ready to accept, although his conscious self is the growing, big boy that thinks he can handle himself and who is handling my leaving very well. From the moment that I accepted this new opportunity, he was the first to know and we have constantly discussed this on a daily basis. The meeting was very productive and worth the while. There has been no other parent that keeps close contact with my son's teachers and this meeting was no exception to my strong passion for being a mother to my child and carrying out my role consciously. They all agreed that my son is very fortunate to have parents like us. And thus the respect that I ask of from them towards my son and I is solidly in place.

I wanted to share a follow up note I sent this morning to his only African American teacher who has been a leading source in making sure my son is on track. She happens to be his math teacher and a single mother like myself.

Read on...


Good day Ms. C!

Hope this message find you in great spirits!

I want to apologize for Zen's tardiness this morning. I believe that he's been doing good in getting to school on time.

I also want to thank you, heartfully, for leading the parent/teacher/student conference last week Friday. I was very pleased with the teacher turn out and their feedback and concerns for my beloved son. And I am also proud of his Dad for taking time out to make it as well. He's learning as I have been clearly appointed by the higher power to be both he and his son's teacher. And no doubt they are also mine.

I am praying that I'll be able to come back for Zen during the summer to return with me for good. He would get a better education abroad and particularly in a bilingual environment. I am experiencing a growing sadness that I'll be leaving him and am spending as much time with him as possible.

I also just authored a book that's been released and have been busy with book signings, radio and tv interview, etc. It's such an exciting time for me and for my son. I am off to Florida tomorrow for a class and book signing on Saturday.

Off the record, I observed that all Zen's teachers are caucasian women. It's amazing how I noticed the difference with his last teacher at Piney Branch who was a male. I find that he does a helluva lot better with male teachers. I find that women teachers can get too emotional and this can instigate upset and a divide in communications. I noticed how Mr. Kim was a fine example of what I mean and Zen loves his class. He was able to see my son as he truly is and I took note. It does not sit very well with me that my son is being guided and taught by pretty much all caucasian women. I don't believe that they are capable of the depths of understanding and the cultural meaning of raising a young African American child. I DON'T LIKE IT AT ALL!! And I have a BIG problem with that picture.

I know my prayers will be answered for Zen to be home schooled and or put in an environment that will truly support his individuality and who he is in heart, spirit and culture.

Please let me know if there is anything I can do or that you need

Thank you again for your support and leadership!! This in itself, stimulates a sense of peace within, knowing that you are in his corner.


Have a beautiful day!
Ms. N


Her Response:

Thank you so much for your kind letter. I do wish you well in your endeavors -- it must be nice to be brave...

Unfortunately it has always been and will be probably be for a very long time to come that most teachers are white female-- there are very few African American teachers unless you put us in a room together -- lol the shortage has existed as very likely a direct result of slavery and segregation. As for African American male teachers -- those who are educated tend to go for higher paying jobs -- there is no old family money to fall back on to help them raise a family on a teacher's salary so they either go in to administration very quickly or they never enter the field.

Sad, but true -- In my entire school career including graduate school I have had 6 Afrocentric teachers. One which taught PE and 2 who taught band. NONE at the college level! This is one major reason that I wanted to teach. And the only reason I teach down county, but again, money is an issue. I began teaching in PG county, so that I could influence African American children, but could no longer support myself or my child on the salary and benefits.

Ms. C


Live your beliefs and you can turn the world around.—Thoreau

My belief is to live authentically and truthfully in every area of my life. And my truth is mine, whether or not someone else agrees or not. Each of us have a world of our own that exists within the world that engulfs many other worlds. Yet these worlds are connected and overlap with one another. When I don't live my truth, then I suffer and so does the rest of the world. My personal world and truth requires that I travel, that I spread my wings and sit on the round belly of the great earth mother and the diverse spots and natures that she is made of. My life and my values will sometimes differ from others, but if I try to live the values of others or be like others, I'll never be at peace. I am a pioneer. Always been a radical compared to the so-called norm. I believe in freedom & peace and I believe that my intuitive wisdom guides me towards that at all times. I step in and out of the matrix, very aware of its structures that oppose and assault my spirit and my heart, while I make sure I am a witness rather than get totally entangled in its treacherous web. I pray that the courage I carry will be that flame in my heart that keeps me alive...living fully and loving uninhibitedly.

My son's teacher sees my act as "brave", I see it as the next step in my journey and the healing of the earth. Perhaps it is through my act that she will remember who she is and the ancestral lineage that she is connected to. I am sure I am a light for her as much as she is a light for my son.


“Let me be a free man. Free to travel. Free to stop. Free to work. Free to choose my own teachers. Free to follow the religion of my fathers. Free to think and talk and act for myself.”

Chief Joseph
Nez Perce Indian Tribe



Whatever I do directly affects the spirit of my child. In living and following my dream, I encourage him to do likewise. No matter whether we are together or apart, my happiness, my inner peace is HIS!! So I can choose to stay here and be miserable disguising it as a mothers role and duty or I can leave to create a better life for the both of us - through my own healing and creative expressions while leaving him with a part of him that can now nurture his masculine powers - his father!!

We must truly be the CHANGE we so desperately desire!

This goodbye is just a symbol of a new beginning and a sunny HELLO!!


Lovingly yours,
Mama ISIS

Two Hearts Beating As ONE!

He was due to arrive at the airport by 9:12 PM Wednesday. I had just arrived myself, and was happy to see that he had texted me letting me know his plane had landed. A close girlfriend of mine called while I sat close at the elevator that my Soul Star (my nickname for him) would be coming down. She and I chatted for a bit, while I kept glancing upward to make sure he had not arrived unnoticed. I got off of the phone, stood up, played in my locs which I had tied up to the left side of my face, as I looked up again, his sweet face met mine. Time seemed to stand still for just a minute as our energies met each other before our bodies did. When he stepped off of the elevator, we walked over to each other and embraced, and kissed each others lips. Warmth filled my body and soul as I drunk him in like sweet wine. He commented on how long my hair was getting and I smiled.

He was dressed just right for the cool temperatures Florida had been experiencing the past few days, in jeans, a black jacket and comfortable shoes. His locks were up in a light brown knit cap, the few locs that escaped hung over his shoulders. He watched me watching him, my brown eyes meeting his brown eyes. When we reached my car, I informed him that I had prepared some food before I left because I knew he would be hungry and I was starving (for him, that is) so we wouldn't have to make any extra stops. Although I'd made plans for us to possibly attend a poetry event, I secretly hoped he'd just want to unwind after his plane ride. We would be together only until Friday morning and I wanted to just lock him up and love him for days!


After signing in at the hotel we went to our room and I just reveled at the fact that we were finally together again. It had been since October since I'd last seen him, which felt like an eternity. Before he had come, he'd asked me a series of questions over the phone pertaining to chakras, he said he'd compiled some extra questions on the plane he'd like to ask. I was all EARS! :-)

Some of the questions took a while to answer, like would I prefer to live in Trinidad or Jamaica? What is the first thing I'd do with a million dollars? Some were deep like. What is the most ugliest thing I've ever witnessed? What is the most beautiful thing I've ever witnessed? To that I answered "me giving birth." He answered that question with “Witnessing his daughter being born”. I enjoyed this time with him, doing something so simple, but so fulfilling to me. He was making sweet love to my mind, opening it, poking it, massaging it and respecting it. Later we would make love to each other, after a shea butter foot rub, longing glances, and brain entrancements.


During our time together I showed him photos of my family, of when I was sixteen with permed hair and a Blossom hat (remember her?!) Pictures of me as a baby in my mothers arms, photos of me in DC at age 20 in a sundress with my hand in the air. He thought that one was quite humorous and cracked jokes of me saying, "Whatever" I’m not hearing you! (I'm smiling now just remembering it.) ☺ He showed me pictures of him when he was younger, with a curly fade sitting in a park wearing a turtleneck looking like Al B Sure...really, no kidding!

We fell asleep intertwined to the point that we were sharing a heart beat. Oneness.

During his visit we exchanged gifts we had purchased for each other. From him to me: a tiny pair of gold Ankh earrings and a shirt that read "Queen of Glory." From me to him: an Amber crystal, Indian temple Incense, and a card that described the gift of his loving energy to this world.

Our time Thursday was spent visiting a Caribbean inspired vegan restaurant, talking about everything, world events, our families, our dreams, and later walking along the beach at night listening to the waves crashing, peering out into the sea seeing lights from ships, kissing each others lips, digging our feet into the cold wet sand with each step. This was bliss! We held each other tightly because there was a cool breeze. I could see the palms swaying and the white foamy water silhouetted against the dark blue sky. Even though it was dark we could still see how clear the water was. We were the only people there and it was so beautiful. I prayed for a thousand nights like that night, and hoped that the Universe heard me.

The Other Woman – Part 1

His eyes never left me. In the club that night, I felt him breathing down my neck, he wouldn't let go. It was like he was a hawk, wolf, owl with piercing eyes fixated on his prey. He was going to get me if it was the last thing he did. He waited this long and now, in his mind, it was time. I was ready, (old enough, legal...21) and tonight was the night. He wanted me and I could feel it in my entire body; from my mind, down to my yoni, even down to my toes. He wanted me and it felt good. You know, the thought of being wanted, sought after, Loved, the feeling is exhilarating. Slowly, something began to happen to me, I was getting lost in the feelings, emotions, throbbing in my pussy. I was dripping wet with sweat, all over. I could even smell my scent through my clothes. "What am I doing? Not HIM!, He's, He's, He's MARRIED!!! OH, shit...I'm in trouble now", I knew that for sure.

I made the first move and I think he knew I would. He was enjoying watching me like a piece of tasty candy that he wanted to put in his mouth. "What was his problem?, I thought. Didn't he remember who I was? Did he forget who he was? He must have known but that didn’t stop him from wanting what he wanted and determining to get  it. He must have figured out how much I enjoyed being watched because he did it well. Poised with his back up against the wall, looking good and tasty his damn self, rocking to the rhythm of the beat. The music was banging and so was my hips. I started to dance even harder, knowing I had his full attention. Yes, I was dancing for him as if it were just the two of us in the club that night. I'm not ashamed to say, I loved the attention! (I’m an attention whore in the purist way one can be). Even if he could have sensed that I was dancing for him it didn’t bother me at all, I love giving pleasure as well. He watched with enjoyment, I could see it in his eyes. I could see it in his half, but cool smile. I was taking drawing him in with every thump, with every bump, I was artfully being myself. I knew that I was taking full advantage of the situation and that didn’t stop me. The alluring goddess took center stage and whined to the beat of Soca music like it was carnival time and I was in de competition!! 

I walked over to him and asked if he wanted to dance? Of course he wanted to dance! I knew that, he knew that, the people in the club (if they noticed) knew that, and even you did, didn't you *wink*. He said, "YES", so I turned around and pressed my hips into his waist and let the music take me away. We started to grind and move so in sync that you couldn't tell where I began and he ended. Grinding, rowing, back and forth motions, it was getting hot up in there! I wrapped my arms around his neck and held on tight. I never felt like that before. It was hot and steamy, sweaty, musky, moist, hair pulling, all the ingredients for when whipping up SEX! I've danced with other men before but I’m sure it had everything to do with who we were. And, who was that exactly? This is the moment of truth and honesty getting mixed up with intense feelings of pleasure and lust. Feelings that you can make clear but don’t want to. So, who are we? Me, a 21 year old young girl, one baby, living at home with parents, free, rebel, daring, with the sun shining so bright in my eyes, faced the world everyday with anticipation and excitement. Forget about telling me “No”, that word was not in my vocabulary! He, 15 years my senior, married to a woman that I knew fairly well, a trusted family friend, business owner (legally and not), experienced, big spender, a protector, strong, feared, like a big brother to me. Sure, I thought, he’d take care of me, watch over and out for me, keep me stacked, dressed, and spoiled; he was just right…LOL! Damn, can you believe that’s what I thought? I can! I was young and wanted a thrill and with him I was sure to get it, in more ways than one.

We closed the club, still dancing with each other long after the music stopped playing. Whenever I looked at him, the guilt, remorse just melted away, I was relaxed. We were only dancing, right? Dancing the night away and having fun. There is nothing wrong with that, right? I didn’t have any intention for what was going to happen next, we were just in the moment, following our bliss and enjoying it. At least that’s all I thought, in that moment. For sure, he’s not thinking we could take this further, he’s married damnit! He has children with this woman, who’s supposed to be the woman of his dreams, or was I, in that moment, the woman of his dreams. How many of these dreams did he have? Did he do this often? Ok, this was getting a little complicated in my head but I continued to flow with it. 

We said our goodbye’s. I told him I really enjoyed myself, he said he did too. My friend and I made our way outside in the cold. It was mid December of ‘96’, a few weeks before Christmas (which I still celebrated back then). We got into the car and so did he and his friends. He pulled his car up alongside ours on the driver side, where my friend was sitting. I had a good view and all I can remember is the smile that was on his face. I remember it because it had a little mischievous twitch to it. That’s not a friendly, “"I had a good time smile”, it was more like a, “I hungry (<—said like a Jamaican) and just found me some luscious meat”, kind of smile. Hmmm. He spoke with my friend a little and it was at that point that I realized they knew each other. We all lived in the same general area, she was Jamaican and so was he. He owned a body shop that all who was Jamaican seemed to go there, so it didn’t come as a huge surprise, I just didn’t know to what extent they knew each other, (I would find out later). I didn’t have long to think about it because he handed her a tiny piece of paper and like in slow motion, pointed at me. ME? What did he point at me for? What was inside this tiny, little paper? She looked at me and handed it to me, it was his #. What the hell? All I could think to myself was, this MF was crazy! Did he really want me to call him, for what? And talk about what?

As we drove away, I tried to make sense of it all. “He's just wanting to stay in touch. We hadn't seen each other in a long time, he hadn't seen me since I "grew" up; hips, round juicy ass, tits firm, perky, all grown up!” My friend was talking to me, asking me what I was going to do, with this big grin on her face, kind of like the way he was smiling. “I don’t know what I’m going to do. I don’t know what he wants with me.” I was so not ready for this but at the same time I was curious. Curiosity took me by the hand and said it was going to be ok. I guess I trusted that. The next day I got his call and from the moment I picked up that phone I became…”the Other Woman”.

Part 2 coming soon! 

Love,

Mama SensuaLi

Dreaming of a Past Life!

My son has been having fun in the dream world as much as I have of late. Vivid dreams lace our dreams as we travel through time barriers and into other existing dimensions of the past, present and future. And since we are one, I know that his dreams contain sacred messages that when he shares them are meant for me as well. I have been recording my dreams because there is power and expansion in understanding the symbols of your dream. Recording them helps keep track of what's going on in our lives and offers guidance, wisdom from our past and insights into the future.

A few days ago I gently woke him up to get ready for school. As soon as he got up he said, Mommy I remember my dream. And he then gave me an account.

"I was with some Indians (Native Americans) in the forest. We were hunting for food when we saw the Whites carrying guns with them. The Whites saw us too and began to come after us. As soon as we spotted them, we ran for cover. We were led to a place underground that had a wooden door entry. A few of my Indian friends got in and as soon as I began to step one foot into the underground passage, you woke me up."

The first thing that came to mind when my son shared his dream was that he had traveled back in time to a place where he once was. I had this overwhelming feeling that he was once a Native American man. I was pleased because I embrace and integrate some of the Native American spiritual teachings into our personal practice. It also confirms what I already know and that is my son is an "ancient soul". I will continue to love, honor and respect the Native American traditions, for they remind me of the African traditions as well."